At Least I Got a Man

“At least I got a man!”

How many times have you heard a fellow black woman say this? How many of you are not in a relationship and it seems out of nowhere, a fellow employee, friend, cousin or aunt comes out of left field and says, “at least I got a man” as an insult to your singleness? You see, the truth of the matter is, if they aren’t married, they are single too. It’s just that they haven’t gotten the memo, so let’s keep that as our little secret.

I have seen women on social media and in real time write and say such things. The truth be told, by observing their behaviors and looking at the men in their lives, I wouldn’t be so quick to admit that. Some of these men physically abuse them. Others who are experiencing relationship issues encounter mood swings, poor diets, fluctuating hygiene, become abrasive and abusive to other women among other things.

Why in the black community do women believe that they only way their femininity is affirmed is when they have a man in their life? You see, when I hear things like this, immediately, I believe not only are these women insecure and lost, they are substituting the presence of the male penis for an absentee father.

Now some women had their fathers in their lives; however, they were only physically present. He might have been a provider but emotionally distant. Not very affectionate with her mother or her and growing up in this environment has left her with daddy hunger issues.

Then there is the black woman who never had a father in her life, and yearned for the presence of a daddy who would treat her as a princess. Take her out to the park and on daddy dates where he can show her how a man is supposed to treat her, but that never happened. Instead, she was left as open prey to the wolves. She indulged in sexual relations early, she becomes indoctrinated to have an unwavering allegiance to a black man, and to despise other black women who do not uphold these beliefs as a traitor to the melanin-ated faith.

These women, regardless of their upbringing both end up at the same place: searching for their identity in a black man. When that man is gone, they are unfulfilled and lost. When the man has returned, they feel affirmed. In their moments of delusional bliss, they seek out the single women and snub their noses to make them feel better.

This is a sad situation indeed.

What these women fail to realize is whatever the man tells her always ends up in HIS best interest. And when she needs a fellow sister to pick her up, they are nowhere to be found. Why? Because she doesn’t remember the trail of insults she left behind. Now that she is without support, you know what she does? She seeks out the presence of another man to tell her what she wants to here and affirm her in a femininity that he knows nothing about. But he will tell her something that serves the best interest of the man she wants. And the cycle continues.

So, when this woman let you know in no uncertain terms that her black man is the best thing since slice bread, buckle up, because she is going to take you for an emotional ride.


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